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Showing posts from December, 2012

Dark Side of the Moon

Field Notes In/On Transition
The Dark Side Of The Moon
The other day I started and ended my day with anger and disagreements. In the morning I made a point of getting to my pharmacy right when they open (the extremely inconvenient hour of 10:30 am) so I could get my prescriptions first thing and get to work in time to go get change for the weekend from the bank. 
The young pharmacist started to fill my prescriptions, but then some guy came in and wanted to pick up one they’d been able to fill the day before, the kid had a hard time finding it, but eventually did, and then rather than getting back to my half done order, started serving more people who’d come in demanding to get served now. I was pacing the store gruffly, getting more and more annoyed. 
So I did what I usually do in these situations, I yelled over at him: "If you are going to serve all these people who I got here ahead of, I don’t have time to wait. I have a job to get to as well." He offered a half hearted (…

Some thoughts some actions

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Field Notes In/On Transition.
Some thoughts some actions
Freewill Astrology
You may have noticed, reading my transition blog, that I often include a Freewill Astrology. This time is no different. I like the way Brezsny words his horoscopes. Very often there is something for me to mull over, a way for me to apply the big theme of each horoscope to my life. Which, really is what any kind of Oracle is all about; figuring things out on your own by being given archetypal, maybe not so archetypal metaphors to ponder.

As to this one, both his questions can be posed to my life in some pretty obvious ways. My “noblest dreams,” or highest ideals have always been about transitioning, becoming the person I’ve always felt I could be, given ideal circumstances. Of course no circumstances are completely ideal. However I feel that my transition is going much better than I ever could have imagined, I still though, don’t feel that I’m completely living the dream, as it were. There are still some pretty…

The difference a year makes

Field Notes In/On Transition
The Difference A Year Makes.
A year ago I was at one of the lowest ebbs of depression ever. I was saved by getting the call finally from “the clinic” to see a doctor about my “gender dysphoria.” I had spent the majority of the autumn of 2011 being grumpy, angry... lashing out, mostly at co-workers, customers in my haze of self loathing, gender dysphoria, and all the related, but very unfocused anger I had writhing around my brain.
I had been trying to get an appointment for three years through my own phone calls, and my GP once in a while putting my name in to get such an appointment. When you are so far gone, depression wise, as I was it’s a self fulfilling prophecy that I couldn’t even get an appointment to talk seriously about the thing that was keeping me on the edge of giving up on life completely. I never ever thought, though, even after getting the appointment, that I would have the gumption to transition, but as it turned out I had nothing but that …