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Showing posts from April, 2013

Some afternoon ruminations on transition.

Field Notes In/On Transition
Guy Stuff vs. Girl stuff vs. Too Much Stuff
Sometimes, especially when out drinking with a few dudes, I’m still very much “one of the guys.” I lately notice that, I don’t find myself in a “bro” situation often anymore, at all. The other night I went to a facebook group meetup, and was immediately glad there was another woman already there. To have these thoughts even,consciously, accepting myself... this is still kind of a big deal to me. 
My self re-programming is going well. I feel it’s an apt way to look at what I’m doing. It’s alarming how little transition is about the hormones, surgery, it’s about learning to presenting yourself in a way that is FINALLY comfortable, and uniquely and Capital Y You! It may be more femme than you imagined, or more butch, or more likely somewhere in the rainbow between The Big Binary. 
The Big Binary Theory is one of the things that kept me obsessed for decades of stop go trans identifying. I was desperate to fit into one…

Spring Cleaning

Field Notes In/On Transition
Spring Cleaning
It’s kinda sorta spring in Vancouver, still not that warm yet, but there’s a decent mix of rain and sun that has me less depressed than the endless grey of most of the “winter months” here.
Like a lot of people, I get the idea every year to do a bit of spring cleaning. I say a bit, as I rarely give my place the top to bottom squeaky cleaning it should get. What it means for me is that I de-hoard a bit more stuff every year. For example I finally got rid of all the beer bottles and cans from under my sink, leftovers from 6 odd years of occasional parties. The ones that end up under the sink, well, out of sight out of mind as they say.
Of course, being me, there is also some brain clutter I’m trying to shed also. But being struck with my first cough/runny nose in over a year (definitely a record for me, who knew estrogen stopped colds, mostly) I’ve slowed down a bit from last week. While cleaning out my “junk drawer,” of dozens and dozens of …

It's April already. sheesh.

Field Notes In/On Transition
It’s April, Fools.
It’s way past April Fool’s Day, and I haven’t done a Transition post in a while. I’m always waiting these days it seems for “something to happen” to write about. Well, life happens whether you think its blog worthy or not, so I’m forging ahead a bit blindly, and likely as not will be dredging up the same old topics.
I have been a bit edgy the last few weeks, in fact I even took a long weekend on the actual Long weekend. 4 days off in a row really did feel a bit like a mini vacation, even if I never went anywhere. I avoided two social engagements that I thought I would definitely go to when invited, but I needed the time alone more than I needed to be around people. What’s odd about that is that I already spend as much time alone, or more, than anyone else I know. 
My job entails being social all day, and sometimes I’m not that good at the social aspect. I’m pretty easily exasperated by people who don’t understand basic communication. It h…