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2015 The Year That Josie Broke

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Field Notes In/On Transition
2015 The Year That Josie Broke
I have very mixed feelings about the year 2015. It is the year that I went from being someone with a small nest egg for the future, and a year already in 2014 of employment disappointment; to someone with zero savings, no employment, or very little. But for all the long stretches of very real stress, and depression, in the end, at the end of the year, things are starting to brighten up again.
Early in the year my EI, or employment insurance ran out, but I had some savings, so I went to the bank, and took out a chunk of those savings in my RRSP, paying huge fees, and taxes to come likely, on that money, which I used to pay down my line of credit, and credit card, mostly, which I had overused while during 2014’s loss of hours at my old job, and eventual lay off, with sucky EI, based on the last several months I worked there, when I made less than I ever did the previous busier 7+ years at the video store.  I also had a bit of goo…

Crafting My Future?

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Field Notes In/On Transition
Crafting My Future?
So, I have printed out some calendars for my Strawgirl digital paintings, that were part of the perks for my Indiegogo, and sent those off with my old poetry books in some case to fulfill the perks, minus of course the actual memoir, which I have now, a decent draft of, and am waiting to get some feedback from a couple of writer/editor friends. I am hoping for some good input on readability, sometimes my sentences, kind of drag on, indefinitely, if you know what I mean. And more importantly any really glaring grammar issues, or that kind of thing.
When I get my feedback, I am going to re-edit those first few ‘chapters’ which really are just the first section of my story of early transition, from this blog, along with my childhood memories of my gender dysphoria, and other aspects as well of growing up in small town New Brunswick in the 70’s. It’s not like it was all gender dysphoria all the time.  I tried to be the person I thought everyo…

Presumed Guilty

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Field Notes in/On Transition
Presumed Guilty
Everyone presumes things about other people, events, places, times. We all think we know what these things are. We presume that because some people act a certain way, everyone like them also acts that way. No really almost everyone does this. But thoughtful people are able to see past cultural biases, propaganda and hatred , sometimes even love, and gain the insight that we don’t ‘know’ everything we presume to. Look at the news, how large groups are demonized for the acts of a few, constantly, it’s exhausting.
One of the biggest arguments used to erase or silence Trans folks, especially Trans Women, is this presumption that you hear from TERFy types like Germaine Greer and the even more angry terf-y slash religious people...that Trans Women presume to know what it means to be a woman. That because we don’t have the shared history (or herstory) that cis gendered women do, we are somehow being presumptuous to think we can just start being wome…

I don't know...

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Field Notes In/On Transition
I Don’t Know
So I can almost see the finish line, at least for the 1st ‘readable’ draft of my memoir. I feel mostly good about it so far. But I also know that in certain areas of my life I have had a hard time going deep enough into things that have caused me grief, pain, even some of the more joyful things, I have a hard time accessing and putting them into cogent prose.
My room mate said something to me a few weeks ago, meant with good intent, I think, but sometimes, ruminating on it, I have a hard time not agreeing on a darker meaning. She said, “You know you are both brave and stupid to be writing this memoir all by yourself, with no therapy, or mental health back up.” I am paraphrasing as this was a conversation, not one sentence. But that negative gist of it is true. It may be ‘brave,’ but I really am operating without a net, so to speak. I am dealing with some issues that I haven’t really dealt with, and doing so all by myself.
I don’t have any profe…

Broke But Hopeful

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Field Notes In/On Transition
A time of renewal and continued poverty
So, I have been working hard at getting the memoir going, living off of the money I was able to raise from my Indiegogo campaign. I had another day and a half doing some Background or extra work on a TV show. I really am not getting much work from that well, but I also black out a lot of days on my calendar for the other things going on in my life, like finishing this memoir, or at least finishing a draft that needs a real editor’s eyes, maybe. I can’t really afford that, as I didn’t raise enough money in my campaign. I am extremely grateful that people gave like they did, but I was only able to reach one or two people who don’t already know me. The internet is so vast. I raised $2100 CAD, and had to pay fees that lopped off $300 or so, so $1800 net out of the Ten thousand I hope to earn. In hindsight, that really was a case of dreaming big. Without some money in your pocket to start a campaign, it’s hard to afford to…

Trip Down Nostalgia Lane.

Field Notes In/On Transition
Collected Parties, and Crushes
So, here is a blog post written in the middle of my writing my memoir day, today. I have been wanting to post these poems as a throwback thursday thing on FB, or something. They are included in my last poetry book, which is also a memoir, my poetic memoir of the poet that Joe was, and I don't seem to be, at least yet. the poetic urge has dwindled the more prose that I write, the less poetically inclined I have become in the last six or eight years.
Right now in writing my memoir, I am knee deep in the 80's when I became a poet. One of the themes that has dominated my life is my desire for romantic love, and this youthful area has been both a joy and a pain to rediscover, through old journals, and my own very particular memories.
This suite has always been too long to perform, so I don't think I ever have, maybe just one or two, performed singly with other work. Also too, go easy on me, as this is also the work of a…

Happy whether I 'pass' or not?

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Field Notes In/On Transition
Happy whether I 'pass' or not?
All My Empty Dresses

So, I have been working pretty diligently on my memoir, writing writing writing. As this is the just get it all down 1st draft, my average number of words per day is way up. When working on a novel, often I average 1500-2000 words a day. So far working on this memoir, I have been averaging from 3000-3500 words a day, a number that is steadily trending upwards. I don’t know if everything I write is usable, I am just getting it down, the next step is to refine it all. I am hoping to do that in October, November if need be. There are enough pages from this blog alone, to winnow into a book, it’s a bigger project than I realized, but in a good way.
Once I have a readable draft, I will be submitting to a publisher who after seeing my campaign, has asked me to submit the manuscript. Hopefully they say yes, and publish it, which means either I do a private unedited/less professionally edited run for folks,…