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Showing posts from January, 2013

I used to be a Poet, or, Pudding, proof, clutter, claptrappings of a life spent spinning like a broken wheel on fire.

Field Notes In/On Transition.
I used to be A Poet, or, pudding, proof, clutter, claptrappings of a life spent spinning like a broken wheel on fire.
Well, a week or so after having a few weeks worth of hormone aided trauma come crashing and burning in my face, things seem to have balanced out, at least in terms of the hormone part, no crying jags, or unchecked crankiness. It’s so difficult to try and slow my mind down to match the physical and emotional processes that my body and mind are going through right now.
I feel like all the outlets I used to have to vent my excess emotional trauma in life (not just the gender stuff either) have ceased working. At least for me, there is this overwhelming urge to change every aspect of my life, which is obviously impossible. My escape valves have always been both healthy: reading, writing, dreaming of positive change for myself, friends, the world, and unhealthy; binge eating, drinking, drugs, “Collecting” (I’m a tidy hoarder) things, avoiding an…

Welcome to the Dark Side, part D’oh

Field Notes In/On Transition
Welcome to the Dark Side, part D’oh
Work is kicking my ass as much or more than any hormones.  We’ve been crazy busy over the holidays, and the busier it’s gotten, the less I can have my routine of getting things like inventory, stock, calling lates, cleaning discs, and thus, the crankier I’ve gotten. People have complained. I’m not getting into details, but I was in the wrong, every time, and have been really cranky at work for a while now. 
It has to stop NOW, and I really hope I can figure out how to deal with retail without driving myself insane. I may have to take my vacation early this year. 
I can’t crankypants myself out of my current awesome job. I really can’t, even before transition, my options were limited.My boss, my coworkers and 99% of the customers are awesome, and have been continually great about my transition, and dealing with my oft grumpy attitude. Now the odds of me getting a job, and not ending up homeless within a few months are re…