The Josie Pages

Field Notes In/On Transition. Days Of Wine And... Well, Mostly Wine Maybe my taste buds are changing as well. A while ago, I got a bottle of wine from a customer, for doing up some tax receipts. Many of our customers work in “the Biz” and get to write off all their movie renting/going.... Research. Anyway, they gave me a bottle of vino.  A “Garnacha” (“Castillo” something, the bottle is already in recycling) grape, which I hadn’t tried before, as far as I know.  I’m no wine drinker generally, but I liked the brief refreshing after taste, of it, so when I ran out after four or five days (I had one or two glasses a night) I got another, not the same brand but the same grape, the pronunciation of which I mangled so badly, the guy at the wine store took awhile to figure out what the hell I was I was talking about. It has also lasted 4 or 5 nights. A six pack of my usual beer would not have lasted so long. I have been really enjoying having a glass with dinner and mo...

Field Notes In/On Transition Plateaus & Peaks with Occasional Valleys Thursday ... I almost wore my leopard print dress to work today, but, I’m just not quite there yet. I actually felt like, looking in the mirror that; it (the dress) finally fits me in a way that gives me some shape, or that I have some shape now to fit it properly. Instead I chose a fitted tee I got recently that everyone loves, but with the femme-ier touch of some underwire support, that boosts me a whole cup size.  The time is coming soon I think when I’ll be able to wear things like that dress, or any of the other girlier things that I have without feeling soooo self conscious., to work or out and about town. I have ventured out to grocery stores, value villages, the movies, things like that; be-skirted, or in a dress. Big sunglasses and a girly hat are of great value here.   I mentioned in my last blog, that I have been seeing/talking with other trans women, who seem unwilling to do...

Field Notes In/On Transition Rolling The Dice Once again, I’m starting off with my horoscope via the only astrologer who matters http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/virgo.html Pasted here is the current ...Virgo Horoscope for week of July 19, 2012 So...as you probably already know, I’m a bit of a nerd. I play D&D, I read comic books, consume unseemly amounts of movies, music, cartoons... I “collect” way too many things to list here without feeling shame. (ok, not really)...but lately some of these pursuits have been wearing a bit thin.  Living out the only fantasy that has ever mattered to me, really, seems to take up a lot of the energy I used to have for role playing games, and reading comic books. I’m having a very difficult time being enthusiastic about what has been for the the last few years, my favourite pastime. Before Transition: I ran a D&D campaign, played in one, as well as other RPGs where I played super heroes...

Field Notes In/On Transition Fear & Slothing On Commercial Drive Summertime has long been a time when I feel most inadequate, and unable to ever be the person I’ve always wanted to be.   There is so much “real girl” body on display, that, it’s really hard not to be overwhelmed, and really frigging intimidated by the “natural born” Women (or Trans Women who pass way better than me) letting the layers and layers of Vancouver fashion slip away to reveal the hairless supple “real women” everywhere.  Stereotype people, much, Josie? You ask?  Yes, yes I do. But, well, that’s the tape loop in my head that I’m trying valiantly to defeat as we get those few weeks of decent heat that Vancouver gets every year, and I see once again that the uphill battle that I have in order to get “Ma’am’ed” even once someday before I die of old age... is farther and farther away all the time. Or so it seems.   I don’t have the body confidence to wear a backless any...

Field Notes In/On Transition. If wishes were wine, I’d have a hangover. I’m not really sure what that means, but I’m going with that as my catchy title. I had another big long yadda-yadda after the poem, but it's still too much a yadda-yadda, so I'm going to keep it a bit shorter and work on the rest of it all week, until I figure out what it is I'm saying there. This poem I wrote the other day...  from scratch even. Usually I rewrite these things endlessly before showing anyone... but this is a draft (a few days of rewriting as opposed to weeks, months, years) I think is reasonably ready for consumption. It may or may not resemblance to anything I've done in the past. It's very much unpolished, so I have no distance to say so. It also has little to do with my transition, other than the story of how the inspiration for it came about. The other day after talking with my mom, writing the last blog entry, and I feel making a few real, but tentati...

Field Notes In/On Transition. Family Stuff .  I really don’t know how to write this yet. So I’m just going to blurt it all out and see if by writing it out... if I can’t gain some insight, myself. Why haven’t I been trying harder to make my transition more palatable, and understandable for my family and close friends? To a degree I definitely have been doing so with this blog, and with friends that I see on a regular basis. But I should have been more considerate with certain people, like my mom.  I had a chat with my mom yesterday and of course the transition came up. My mom reached out to me and told me how hard this is for her, my transition. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I’d been pretty thoughtless to be all lalalala with this blog, and my pictures etc, without really trying hard enough to make this a bit easier on my mom. I’ve been swimming so deep in my own happiness these last few months... and I haven’t been as transparent with my parent ...

Field Notes In/On Transition. I decided a few weeks ago, to take a long weekend over the Canada Day weekend. Not because I had any plans to go to fireworks, or “The Lake” (which is Canadian for getting the hell out of the city for a few days; whether there is an actual lake involved matters not, though it is nice to have around) or anything like that. In fact after my Sunday coffee, I stayed home, ate snacks and played games all day.  However, I did wear my red & white for the momentous occasion of levelling up my current Fallout 3 character Dinah (and for Canada Day). She’s handy with a shotgun, and apparently has a stalker. This game seems to have a stalker in it, if you play a lady character. Typical. But it’s a fun “open world” game where I spend most of my time sneaking through a beautifully ugly post apocalyptic landscape, occasionally killing off mutated creatures or “raiders”, who have obviously graduated from the Mad Max Bad Guy School of Villainy. So, y...