Thinking out loud on paper

Field Notes In/On Transition

Thinking out loud on paper about writing, creating the projects I want to create.

My brain is bubbling over with creative ideas: the Strawgirl Chronicles (format(s) TBA), finishing any number of half finished novels, but especially the one that i did last fall, That Super hero web/TV series, that might really be a trilogy of Comi-tragic Super hero novels, writing some wholly new things, like actual short stories. I can write novel length, but a short story? Yikes. a Hill to Climb. A friend on facebook mentioned doing animation maybe, and that has me really thinking differently about my painting. Maybe learn some animation apps, is something to work on.

 I know I have some graphic novels lurking around in my fever-y brain, as well as my half written book of Arthurian stories and poems ( a few of the poems are scattered in my already published poetry books) from the perspective of a much misunderstood Guinevere. This book I think also should be illustrated, like an old novel.

I would like to collaborate on some comics/GN ideas someday, too. I think really I am just going to have to do as many of these things as I can, it's working out the scheduling that slows me down most. 

First, I think I am going to try and rip a few short stories out of the various more coherent parts of my various unfinished novels, and get those into short story shape=kindle singles, ready made, collection down the road. Eventually if salvageable get those novels done. Hopefully I can concurrently work on the SCI FI novel (that I think has the best title of anything I have seen in ages, even if the rest sucks) I wrote last year, and turn that into something with a plot, and an actual ending.

The Super Hero Idea could be a GN, but it feels more like a novel or TV show kind of story. It is so fully formed in my imagination, the characters, and the story, that it’s hard to translate, like sculpting a dream from the mist of the morning, it’s too big to just blurt out. I need to write finish a book or two, I think before I will have the skill.

I’ve always had more ideas for things than I have ever had time for, and more often than not did and still don’t even fill the time I have with the work. Some projects fade away, the stories untold except as memories of something you might have written. Holy Stephen Tennant!! Batman. 

But lately I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter about unfinished this or that, or giving into that fear of failure, over something not even done yet, that is meaningless. Move on, finish what you feel like finishing, get past the need to fail, the cynical edge that we many folks acquire that even when they do their best, win praise, make wealth, whatever rewards, we feel like fakes or frauds, because it is art, not “work”. 

I’m here to tell you that art is work. But because there is the possibility that we enjoy it, it is demeaned in the world as not work. As if making a feature film or writing a best selling, well edited, marketed novel is not a heck of a lot of work for a lot of people. 

I think this view also undermines the value of other work, that may not be as ‘creative’ (though i’d argue you can find art in almost any endeavour if you are open to it.) This comes I think from the fact that those who do really really well in the arts are sometimes paid disproportionately more than other folks who toil all day, maybe not enjoying their labours, quite as much, or maybe they do: it doesn’t matter. I call this “Gretzky is a #$%$ Syndrome.” Back in tha day many of my hockey loving peers made fun of Wayne Gretzky in homophobic ways, it was a pretty common thing. Diminish that smiling, polite young guy who seems to be the greatest player of all time, gotta do it, right? Nope, but it happened.

Also if you are doing any kind of creative endeavour, opinion is more important than anything else. There are lots of examples of writers/movie Directors, etc who are vilified by critics, but sell millions of books/movie tickets, and the reverse of course is true, lots of great stylists sell poorly. 

But you have to try. Maybe you don’t try to sell your art to as many people as possible, maybe you just share it on social media, or make private copies of your poetry as gifts for friends. People LOVE it when you do that. :p

I do a lot of my current painting and photography output, mostly for my friends. I put that stuff on my FB which is Friends only for the most part. I have more pictures on FB than I ever had on my old long gone pro Flickr account. For me, posting stuff to facebook, or making youtube video that 6 of my friends will watch part of, is like being a kid and having your drawing, or good grade on the refrigerator, for friends and family. That is very rewarding to me, and gives me a lot of the joy that I feel in any given day.

So, what I am getting to is that, I am feeling energized lately, and I think part of it comes from fighting off a cold that made me miss my Choir practice. The confidence I have been building just by going to choir (and meeting new people, as much as the singing) coupled with my brief foray back into customer service, doing box office for The film Festival, that has very much solidified my confidence in my decision to accept a layoff from my retail job in the Spring. I really don’t want to be doing customer service, or at least retail customer service anymore. Again, like my last job, great people, nary a misgendering the whole two weeks. But the ennui of retail past haunts me still; making me realize that I have more need of time away from that kind of work experience, and that I am ready to dive into a more full time writing schedule. I may have to take some kind of ‘job that I don’t want’ to pay bills along the way, but I need to up my creative game, and maybe unbeknownst to my conscious self, I have been loading my brain through reading/viewing voraciously, the kinds of things that I am interested in writing/creating. The Ipad painting has changed my view of what I can accomplish, and surprisingly given me a lot of inspiration for written projects. Synergy. Yeah. Synergy.

Is this all a bunch of huffing and puffery? Mayhap. I shrugged as I wrote that. But hey, you have to do some positive reinforcement, no? I value those often misquoted images that do the social media rounds. I don’t care if it is a cliche or attributed incorrectly, as long as it makes me smile or think, or maybe even both smile and think. Gee, there’s something you don’t see everyday, sadly. This is my vague plan, to get a few projects going at once, to let strawgirl lead me wherever she is leading me, and see if I can’t find a way to earn my keep and live up to my imagination, rather than let it overwhelm me.

I should get points for using Mayhap in (as) a sentence.

Hopefully If I can get more productive with my fictions and whatnot, I will also be inspired to update the “Transition” aspects of my life as well and there will be more posts here in the future. 

I really want to stop being/feeling like an underachiever. Baby Steps, Josie, Baby Steps.