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New Video Blog! The Indolent Spinster Weekly!

So I have started what is hopefully going to be a new weekly blog of the video variety, I will always post the transcript here, and eventually also caption them all too, but I've not done that before and need to figure it out. I don't want to  just have subtitles, but captions. i like having the whole transcript available, for those who don't want to or can't watch the videos.

here is the transcript and video!

Welcome to the very first edition of Indolent Spinster Weekly Report

Which as per usual i have spent three weeks procrastinating and trying to figure out what kind of narration to put over top of my fun backyard selfie video that you see as you hear these words. I have been trying to narrow down things to say in my new idea for weekly video blogs...

I almost want to just have wordless images of me with fun effects and transitions between b-roll and stock footage, that i cobbled together one afternoon a couple of weeks ago, thinking i would just record a minute or two of narration, an update of my life recently. But I didn’t get to it. It seemed as much as I loved it: not quite right for what i wanted to do with this so called ‘Weekly Report’. Which to be honest will likely be less than weekly... But i want to give the routine the old college try.

Thing is, y’know....  me and plans don’t get along. I like making lists, outlines, but I prefer just jumping in and doing the thing more than planning it, if you get me. Remember Memento, that Christopher Nolan movie, where Guy Pearce loses his memory when he goes to sleep at night, and has to piece his life together each morning. that’s me, except that I remember everything that happened before, plus some new vivid crazy ass dreams that I have trained myself to let go of, lest they take up half my morning, remembering and trying to sense them together as some kind of narrative.

This is why I am both apprehensive about, and desirous of starting a self employment class/program at BCIT in a couple of weeks. I want to be better at building a long term plan to help me pay for life, but I am wary of not just making it up as I go, as for good and bad, that has been my survival strategy as a trans person, and working person, the idea of a career, my entire life. seriously, I am one of those folks who thinks, every morning ‘ this is it, today’s the big day.’ It rarely is ‘it’ or any kind of big day.

but sometimes, sometimes it is. So I am not sure where this weekly report is going other than it is in support of me getting my ‘Indolent Spinster’ ‘Zine finished and published quarterly. My plan, such as these things go, will be to update on the progress of the Zine, to preview bits of it, and just say what’s on my mind during the week, every week. I’m trying to build a narrative of my life as a creator of things, as someone trying each day anew to find purpose, meaning, while keeping healthy and housed.

So yeah, like and share this video please and help me keep on plan, whilst i learn how to craft a career of my own, doing all the things, instead of one thing, because well for me, that’s boring, and never lasts anyway. Oh and watch out for my zine, hopefully coming this autumn to amazon and maybe even in print if i can get a bunch of pre-orders.


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This week's Indolent spinster Report has been hijacked by a poem i wrote 23 years ago, inspired by the Late great gord Downie of the Tragically Hip, my friend Andrew Davidson, and a third writer, Hugh MacLennan, who you may also have heard of, who inspired me, andrew and Gord very much with his definition of Courage.

photo of Gord from CBC

COURAGE {for andrew, gord, & hugh.}
lonelier than never                  within  my neck     my throat       choke words             hard             suicidally so.
I am weary bleary and toothless.
In every mirror          I see hopeless                soft fat breath.   
And wetness.
Then      somehow thick white blood re:routes                   an                   other path into my chest    and the shit melts in   closely shaved rhythms                     or smiles                     songs slither    as delicate     as though    I had swallowed a rose.
My breath is filled               with words and fear                              and                            …